There’s what actually happened.
And then there’s the story we tell ourselves about what happened.
My job as your coach is to help you see the difference.
Take my client Juliet (not her real name).
She is returning to work after 6 month’s maternity leave with the goal of making partner.
3 years ago, a partner gave her some negative feedback. He told her she wasn’t a technical enough lawyer and would never make it as a partner.
Juliet’s story about what happened:
I was told I’m not good enough to make partner. None of the partners rate me. No-one supports me. I’m going back to a hostile environment.
The problem with Juliet’s story is not just how it made her feel – despondent, inadequate, alone. It’s what those feelings will make her do on her return:
In other words, she’ll behave in ways that will make her less likely to make partner than she would have been without the story. Long before the challenges and politics of promotion kick in, Juliet would have sabotaged her own success.
My job as your Coach is not to believe your story. I help you see the difference between what happened, and the story you are telling yourself about what happened, which is going to create the exact result you are trying to avoid.